now I went and did it and and now what?

It is pretty easy to make fun of individual groups of people, particularly those which seemingly go out of their way to make it easy. It is mean though...

In this case, I am thinking of hipsters.

You know the type.

Riding around on their fixed geared bikes, dressed in casual yet chunky clothing, using artisanal everything, bushy beards, chunky glasses, oozing irony from every pore...

But then...

Can you say oops?

This is the ass end of my 2005 Kona Jake the Snake cyclocross bike.

Oh dear.

I am on the road to hipsterdom. Now what?

Do I have to let my legs get all hairy?? (can you say ewww when mixed with my usual bike garb consisting of lycra bibs?!? - never mind cleaning road rash or massage...)
Do I have to let my face get all hairy?!? I do hope not!

Thankfully, I am too old to be a hipster.

Jokes aside, I do have several somethings serious to thank the hipster movement for:

• The increase in urban cycling and urban cyclists - big time on the rise in most urban centers. Around here, it seems to be driven by the hipster demographic. Thank you. Now if our cities would get with it and build some decent infrastructure... More and better parking for bicycles would be a huge boon, as would (for both car drivers and cyclists alike) reducing the main drag to one lane with better parking and bike facilities.
• A vast increase in the number of very good coffee shops, small bakeries, and decent reasonably priced eateries in the urban core which hipsters flock to by the hundreds. I like the "one offness" of these places, even if they do, in their drive to be different, end up oddly all looking the same... But it is a same that I like.
• The arrival of companies such as betabrand who make actual real clothing that can be worn on a bike and in the workplace and actually be comfortable and not leave your groinal regions feeling like a rotten cabbage. Yay. 
• I cannot stress point three enough. It bears repeating. Yay.
• More people to race on the MUPS (er....)

However, I just cannot do the hairy face.

And really, if you know what that picture above really shows, I cannot do a fixed gear bike either. Single speed yes, fixed gear no. Also, all the other bikes are retaining their gears :)

isn't it ironic, or something...

I saw him riding towards me through the uptown traffic. Silent, he ghosted past the cars on their right, squeezing through gaps no cyclist with a wish to live would squeeze. With a wobble, he slowed, one hand on his one brake lever, peaked cap back at a jaunty angle, long bushy beard sculpted to a point mid-chest jutting proudly forward.
Suddenly, a left turn from the right lane. He becomes a pedestrian on wheels, showing off his home made fixie, chain tensioner and drive train painted bright yellow, frame rough and black. An old machine, rescued no doubt from his grandparent's shed or a bike store's garbage heap.
But wait! No! A single speed. Not a fixie. What is this coasting I see?
And then I felt it. Felt it for the first real time in my life.
Age.
Age creeping up on me.
I thought, what is this? What is this feeling that threatens to overcome me? WHY did it choose to do so now of all times? Rewind and think. What was the trigger. Oh yes. The hipster and his bicycle.
Let's see... Single speed I get. Reusing stuff I get. But, if you are going to do the hipster thing man, do it right! Why only a front brake when you cannot apply back pressure to keep the bike stable when slowing because the rear hub is a freewheel hub? Why handlebars so narrow that they wobble when the brake is applied? Why position the brake lever near the old stem instead of out where the hand would naturally rest for ease of access? I admit it, I am a chicken. I want two brakes, stability, control, and all that old man stuff. That was what did it. Sob. Suddenly, I felt too old to be hairy and ironic. Clean shaven and bitter will have to do.

* * *

There are advantages to the clean shaven and bitter look though. 

I avoid itchy chins, getting my ironostach caught in zippers and buttons, and velcro up less lint. I am allowed to use gears on my bicycle. I can have two brakes that even work! It is permissable to have a bicycle that is younger than my own personal age - my hipster bicycle is the real deal. It is older than the hipsters I see, I rode it when I was young, it is mine, and the wear on it is earned, not bought. The Real Deal (tm).

I can also wear comfortable clothing on the bike. Ever ride in pants that are too tight, ride a bit low, with boxers on? No thanks. That is an experience I would not wish on anyone, even the amusedly ironic.