cat stories, one

I want you to picture a large cat. A very big one in fact. One which, in his prime (when this story takes place) massed approximately 18 pounds with no fat on him at all besides that needed to survive. He is a grey tabby Hulk.

Now this cat is an absolute jerk. He is temperamental, opinionated, and possessing of a soul both loving and evil. He is his own cat, and tolerates idiots with very poor grace. He is also too smart for his, or anyone else's, own good.

Sadly, he is dead.

Sadly because he loved me very much, and I him in return.

The following is a true story:

Create an image...

A sunny bedroom on the main floor of an old house. House built in the 1920s. Bedroom is the formal sitting room out front. Queen sized bed with earth toned bed coverings tossed recklessly over top. Dappled sun enters through old windows. Patches of light and shadow shift as wind blows a maple tree outside the window. Newly weds live here.

Stretched lazily in one of the sunny patches lies the Grey Jerk. Sound asleep. King cat, he thinks of himself, at one with the world, the sun, and his nap.

Slowly, creeping as if from a pit, comes his nemesis. Nemesis (we shall call her nemesis because it does, in fact suit her) is a calico cat who is a complete and utter moron. A fierce hunter, she has all the personality of cold pasta. She also greatly enjoys trying to cute up to the Grey Jerk.

The Grey Jerk is sleeping.

"Mew?!?", says the Nemesis, in his face.

The Grey Jerk is sleeping.

"Mew?? Mew?? Mew??", continues the Nemesis, repeating her high pitched mewling incessantly.

The Grey Jerk, King Alpha cat, wakes up, proving to the Nemesis that at this time her persistence was in error.

She has time to turn, and take one frantic leap towards the pit from which she crawled.

But it is too late.

The Grey Jerk has her by the back of the neck in a leap from full sleep reminiscent of a jaguar pouncing on some hapless animal, muscles rippling in a display of raw power. Crushing her to the bed, teeth closing, the Grey Jerk shakes the Nemesis like a rat and releases her.

Back to his nap, the Grey Jerk is sleeping.

Never again did the Nemesis "Mew??" at the Grey Jerk, sleeping or not.